technically 7th beer starting time: 1:43am

feeling buzzed.

still foggy from my hangover. i didn't drink enough water today. had dominos and coke, which is so shitty for mind and body.

wondering how drunk i'm going to get.

the house feels really empty without snat and jarf and no one is on the streets tonight. it has been raining nonstop but it just let up. it's really muggy out.

reflections on being american:

sometimes i sit back and think how fucking lucky we are, out of 6 billion people and thousands of years of humanity to have been born into this huge powerful country where you basically are guaranteed an easy existence compared to about 85 percent of the rest of the world. it must be what it feels like to be born into extreme wealth. one of the most amazing things i've ever seen in my life was a family in bombay that literally had no possessions and were sleeping on the sidewalk outside of a mercedes dealership. but the kids were still up and playing with each other and seemed genuinely happy. it was heavy, bro.

tonight we were standing on the roof with these mexican folks that were holding sparklers and american flags and that was cool and then because we are right by ravenswood houses we started hearing gunshots from people firing in the air (i assume) nearby. what a country.

often i think about the disparities that are inherent in being an american. we are all well fed and have so much free time to spend yet some of us are sleepless because we can't afford a new gadget or an apartment. we despise those in other parts of the world who segregate based on faith and class but then we scoff at a guy because he has his polo collar popped or there's too many rednecks at chili's. we freak out when we see a roach at a restaurant and blog about it and then proceed to eat processed food that is literally rotting our insides. who are we exactly? we're not just the world police, we're the world snobs, we're the world carrie bradshaw strutting through a continental madison avenue in our manolo blahniks, fretting about if mr. big really means commitment or whether these jeans make us look fat.

this is rapidly becoming:

a) jello biafra's blog
b) my coming out party (i swear i've seen one episode of sex and the city because a girl wanted to watch it and that's why i know those references)
c) shitty reading

so, that said, here is what i really want to know:

when dogs sniff another dog's butt, do they ever have the dog that got away? like that one dog whose butt gave off chemicals that just assured that they were the perfect match but then the owner yanked her away and now the male dog spends his days just thinking about will he ever smell her butt again, where does she live, what is she doing right now? if he sees her again will her butt smell the same? dogs.

i just found a good note i wrote to myself when stuck in an airport back in april. it was an aborted list of good pickup lines for TID. among my faves:

Is that your face or did your neck barf up something beautiful?

We're like two ships passing in the night, except my cargo is a bunch of sperm.

according to ny1 it's 69 degrees out but you wouldn't know it standing in my kitchen. feels like one billion degrees.

i was going to shoot off fireworks off the balcony tonight but it was too wet

ya'll nurbas ever listen to bracket? i feel like they had some feelgood music. i forgot about these guys. they're all from like an apple farm out in northern california and apparently they never tour because their lead singer is afraid of everything.

sup mayes man i wish you were in queens we could sit and talk about sonic branding and stupid jarf tricks i tried to submit to letterman

i mean if there was ever an appropriate time to use these things it would be tonight its not like i can shoot off explosives in august

snap poll:

what is jarf doing right now?

a) singing "november rain" around a campfire 22%

b) buttraped by mountainfolk 78%

c) covered in spiders 0%

d) wearing p nast's skin as a coat 0%

e) jammin with wilco in charlotte 0%

mayes three words for august:

crabtree valley mall

no they dated marie married someone from her wow guild

right w

so here's a romantic thought: i was on the crapper earlier (six times actually) reading SI's cover story about tim lincecum. kid has some crazy mechanics. his dad seems like a really great parent too. who in our league has him? he's on par to be one of the most successful starters in major league history in terms of strikeouts per innings pitched.

when the cooks do the thing where they pour the wine in the pan and it flames up

i like that, is what i'm saying

waste

i'm quickly becoming of the opinion that eli porter is the greatest video ever recorded. i could go on about this at length but here are some quick thoughts:

1) his freestyle is technically perfect. not an extraneous word

2) everyone at chamblee high school seems well grounded

3) "this dude need to stay in the shade" FATALITY

4) someone on the sohh forum (before they got their wig pushed back by 4chan) asked "is eli time traveling when he zones out?" and i think it was a serious question.

5) it still makes me laugh out loud uncontrollably whenever i watch it. take that, "leather belt"

goddamn it i keep getting these motherfucking hiccups

true story: my friend joey once had the hiccups for three days straight. i think i'd kill myself, honestly.

drinking

"talby" by pinback might be a top 10 song of all time

play that song again and go to hell when you die. wave goodbye at you as you tune your guitars

mayes wat u drinkin

who me

so i swear this isn't a drunk thought, i've been thinking about being a big brother or joining this student sponsor group. kids really break my heart and i constantly think about how growing up here is just such a mine field of fucking your whole life up with one mistake. can i do this though? it would be an added bonus that i'd have to clean my act up a bit: drink less, curse less, put things in perspective. fuck it i'll just order some more dominos. have you seen this pizza tracker thing? it tells you online when they're prepping, baking and boxing it. more entertaining than 115 of the 117 channels we have on tv.

no the other mayes. billy. what u drinkin billy. OXI CL

just a lit

those wildfires in california look bad. mayes remember when the triangle was shrouded in smoke earlier this month that shit was weird dude

that quilt looks handmade

road trip

so tonight we were talking about our parents and how weird it is as we get older to hear stories about how they basically acted like normal youth back in the day: got wasted, fucked a lot, smoked weed. it seems like life is getting exponentially more awkward with the evolution of the internet. i mean instead of waiting to be 21 and drinking with me and hearing uncomfortable shit from me, my kids can be like 10 and google my name and find all of this. we're ruining the basic family structure with the internets! IT'S IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE

cue joey saying "paul they'll hear uncomfortable shit from you well before they're 21"

fuck unwound was an incredibly slept on band

paul i talked to a guy from ny1 on the phone today

he said his name was bill or ben

could have been brad

i love this band sweet trip. terrible name, awesome music. check out their newest album's cover. it's called "you will never know why" and it is awesome. lower right hand side of that virb page.

could have been lewis dodley

mayes does time warner have a bunch of stations in different markets or are ny1 and news 14 one of the only few?

mayor bloomberg is pretty chill for a fucking billionaire. they're showing video of him in some parade and he's just holding the american flag like a flashlight. and then he winks at some lady.

got me

he was on 30 rock

fuck first yawn, i'm fading

whoever edited amanda farinacci's abbreviated stand-up from coney island left in half a second of her staring off in the distance on some roasted like evuh shit. mayes, this is your chance, vacancy at ny1.

i dso that all the time

THATS WHAT I DO

one time at the nc state fair i rode in the rotating tea cups and i vomited up my fried dough afterwards. mayes did you ever go to that shit? it was supposed to be fun but it was walking with your pre-pubescent friends and getting intimidated by redneck 17 year olds for upwards of 10 hours. good times.

this was in 2006 btw

ftw

i hate that term

"Catch the wave..." [reference to a Coke commercial at the time

the sound is all the way down but i just deciphered some navy cadet on ny1 saying "i'm just happy to be home, man" based on lip reading alone

oh god speaking of commercials i was bored looking at old ads from the 80s on youtube. this was on tv when i was 7 years old and i'd forgotten about it until today but fuck how cornball is this:



they actually spliced in mona from who's the boss with a camcorder.

so come on maryland, virginia too, channel seven is on for you

nair i had to take that cat to the vet it was pooping somuch

i can ssee why you said you had such a terrible childhood

lol are you serious? baked lays did that? dude you were the one who actually fed the cat. didn't you give it like kfc also?

it wasn't terrible so much as maddening

its ok the vet was across the street i walked

is the cat ok? my friend's cat tonight was butt scooting across the floor for half an hour but we were laughing too hard to be concerned. i think it was just typical cat ploy for attention.

i saw this picture with claudine where she has blond hair

yep

ok done with the bud 40, cracked the beck's... feelin kind of drunk

*boner explodes*

actually when i first saw claudine was back in like 03 when i was living in durham and she had really short bleached blonde hair. say word she doesn't look good in that clip though. she has a winning smile. ditch the zero and get with the hero cl

holy shit this sima chowdhry is smoking hot

Currently, she is the host and producer of "JersEtainment" on News 12 New Jersey for which she won a 2008 Telly Award in the entertainment category.

shit mayes meet half my fucking cousin's friends, you will want to form babby. i mean she's fit and all but that ain't nothin

i've left the a/c on all day and it's like a meat locker in this room, i'm actually shivering

come on man

whoever decided to give a/c units remotes is a fucking genius

she's definitely a dime piece, don't get me wrong

my heart stays with amanda farinacci though, she's lived in four of the five boroughs according to her bio

EXCEPT QUEENS

catch me at the bus stop, dusted, cursin' out the cops and you still come and vibe with me

that's probably how farinacci rolls

omgtru fuck farinacci

fuckin' stat rat

yo mayes ask claudine next time you see her when the last time she was in durham was

ok i'm halfway done with the becks and i am officially drunk

applaud three day weekends, i just realized it is still sort of friday night

this song by people in planes just popped up on my itunes. these guys were pretty good, just kind of fizzled out. they were from wales. joey, you'd like them.

my old roommate parker worked for aol music when these guys' label was heavily trying to push them in the u.s. and he went out to a bar with them. apparently they were the least rock n' roll band ever. sat there very politely and had about 3 beers between the four of them. went to bed at 1 am. maybe they were just jet lagged. meanwhile downtown pete doherety (sp?) was licking shit out of an elderly man's butt.

rock and roll is dead

tru the new wave of music is baltimore club



speaking of which, main criticism of the wire:

until late in the show they were so unrealistic about the music. they would show these west baltimore crack dealers listening to like big l and shit. the reality is you roll into the safeway parking lot on boston street at 2am and a bunch of hardcore thugs in fucking capri jeans are chillin blasting this shit. i think in the last season they started putting on mullyman and bossman and all that but that's still not even accurate. shit's surreal.

the indians downstairs are gettin wasted again on the patio. i just realized that the long island couple who used to argue loud as fuck every weeknight must have moved out. so have the israeli hippies. i think it's all indians downstairs now. the koreans upstairs are still mad cool.

they;;re closing in on you

smokey robinson can really put someone to sleep

damn i guess it is 4am almost, at least i'm not shitcanned. i am pretty drunk. put it this way, i think fred savage might be a cool guy to get a drink with

anecdote about the SUPER unrealistic music on the wire:

when i worked as a cell phone video game tester there was this guy named justin (?) who i talked about music with. cool dude. most of the guys there were just out of high school and still lived with their parents and were basically the kind of dudes you would expect to be working at a place like that for $9/hr.

anyway we talked about music a lot, since there were a few of us who messed around making beats and stuff. justin was a scrawny little white kid, maybe 28 at the time. he had just moved to LA from somewhere "back east". aewsome guy, he was kinda in his own world but always cracked me up. he told me that he had a friend who worked with the music supervisor on the wire, and they had bought one of his tracks to play on the show. i sort of thought he was full of shit because every fucking guy at that place seemed to just talk out of their ass 24/7. but he said it was in season 1, in a scene where d'angelo was getting dressed in his apartment. he didn't watch the show so he didn't really know the context. anyway he got something like eight grand for a thirty second snippet of music.

so i kinda forget about this, but then later i'm rewatching the wire season one dvd. sure enough, during a scene where d'angelo is getting dressed (trying on a bunch of different outfits, lots of expensive clothes, in contrast to the corner kids who roll out of bed wearing a white tee and hit the street), there's this RIDICULOUS song playing, which is just a corny/hot beat and this justin kid freestyling with an INSANE jamaican accent. i don't even remember what he was talking about, but the thought of d'angelo listening to this scrawny white kid goofing around probably rapping about jerk chicken just blew my mind. it did kinda of ruin the music on the show for me, because it got me thinking how out of place a lot of the other diagetic music was.

like there's a scene in season 2 (i think) where some of the barksdale crew is listening to masta ace in someone's jeep, and it's this really corny song about how a drug crew is like a football team. really horrible song, first of all, but wtf? those guys would either be listening to some insane baltimore shit nobody's ever heard of, or just some horrible rap that just happened to be on the radio.

anyway yeah

they should be listening to "tomatoes"

song still cracks me up, esp. the last line

WHERE DID THAT MAKE THIS VEDEO